Tell you all my secrets

We've started our Christmas cooking this week, which means we are out of the crawlspace!  We had a company come in to seal the rim joists on Thursday, which was an adventure.  Everything that could have gone wrong for them did, from equipment malfunctions to one of them getting called away on another job less than halfway through.  I made the remaining guy corn dogs for lunch (because that's how I roll, and I saw he had only a bag of chips and a root beer with him.)  When I left for my hair appointment, he was chewing on a corn dog with an "Oh my Zod, if I must die, let it be today?" look on his face, but he got it all done!

We also put the Christmas Brr-lesque show to bed this weekend. kornopolous came to town for the show and to celebrate his 50th birthday...and got food poisoning from eating a calzone at the show - surprise!!  It was a sucky way to spend his birthday, but he says it was still a good weekend.

Thursday was the last derby scrimmage for 2013.  I was one of only three skating refs to come, so I had to jam ref.  It was that or head ref, so I think I made the right decision. :)  I did mostly okay. I asked a couple really stupid questions of 0014, who was  head ref, and I didn't make any calls on my jammer which meant I was skating for the entire scrimmage.  But I did send two blockers to the box and I stood up to Deuce when she questioned a call and she didn't yell for a more experienced ref to come overrule me,

Then I lost my jammer.

See, the jammer refs switch at half-time, so if I'm fucking up for the white team, now I can even things out by fucking up for the black team.  I was following one jammer, I saw the other waaaaaayyy over on the other side of the track, and I couldn't figure out why Re-Pete Offender (the other jam ref) was all up  in my business until he asked if I was reffing black. :"Yeah!" I said astutely. "And the black jammer is..."  well, she was waving at me from the other side of the track.  Re-Pete laughed his ass off,  0014 laughed his ass off,  Honestly, I did too,  Re-Pete told me after then jam "It happens to all of us and you did exactly what you are supposed to do:  you yelled FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!! and went and caught up to her."

The best part was that on Saturday this came across my roller derby ref tumblr:

When jammer reffing and I momentarily lose sight of my jammer

The Civic Orchestra went off beautifully Friday night, finally. It was pretty touch and go if the show would happen, first with the ice storm and then with the Concert Master falling in his carport and not being able to perform. But the show did go on - we cut his big solo piece and a second violinist filled in for his solos in the other pieces. The Maestro gave me flowers before the show and made a big speech about how I always look after them so well and how much everyone loves working with me.


Saturday was my day to do nothing, but the DICS got a call to come lay track for derby practice again. The venue keeps pulling up the tape we use to lay the track if we leave it on "too long" so we have to re-do it every single week. Yes, that is as stupid, annoying and expensive as it sounds. In their defense, this week was because we rented the space to have two tracks for practice, but still. We expect to be called to do it all again next Saturday. And next Thursday.

After that lonelydumptruck hung out with crownwench and I went over to see geolinguist's new apartment and hang out with him. We haven't done that in far too long and it was a great, mellow afternoon including a trip to Moosestooth for pizza and beer. Sid was over hanging out with lonelydumptruck when I got home, which was also a mellow fun time. We drank far too much, stayed up way too late after Sid left and discovered the charms of How I Met Your Mother.

Sunday was the final tech for the Brr-lesque show. It went so well we decided we all deserved to go home early and relax instead of running the first act again, which is always good times.

A  local TV reporter did an article on our derby league last night.  Since it wasn't a regular scrimmage night, they just put out a call for people.  Bro, Boozehound and I were the only refs who came. 

 

 

 

The idea was having the reporter skate with the girls, but she was a bit Bambi on ice, so Salmonella took her around the outside and the ladies practised some jammer hell (trying to get through a pack where everyone is against you with no help or one person helping) and we just stayed out of the way.  After a while Knockers, who arranged it, came to ask us to pretend to ref. 

 

 

 

Bro immediately told me to use the time practising watching the jammer because, for those just tuning in, I still suck at jam reffing.  It was a huge help.  I saw a cut, pointed it out to Bro who said "Good.  WHY?" and I was able to tell him.

 

 

 

And then I skated into the cameraman.

 

 

 

We all had a huge laugh about that but, yeah.  Roller derpy.

 

I keep getting better, bit by bit! 

 

 

 

I got to be outside pack ref for our Halloween Smash-Up bout on the 26th!  Smash-ups are practically fun bouts, they divided the league into two teams - Voodoo Dolls vs. VentrilsKilla Dummies.

 

 

 

I didn't make a call, but I didn't fuck up either and I only fell victim to one rink snake.  I just toppled over right between jams right near the penalty box.  All the NSOs penalty timing cracked right the fuck up.  I was laughing too.  Jackin'  Her Box, my committee head, was in the pack and popped her head up, very worried and actually signaled "Are you OK??" to me.  It was very sweet.

 

 

 

I stayed in the rotation well, I think.  It's hard to explain in text, but the three OPRs divide the track so there is one with the pack, one kind of watching the back and one ready to pick up the pack at any time.  I think of it as delivering the package to the ref in front of me, then dropping back to pick to the package from the ref behind me.  I mentioned to Bro, who was one of the other  OPRs, at the afterparty that I sometimes felt like I might have been out of position because I was skating so much, but my theory was that if I didn't see someone in front of me, keep going.  He applauded that.

 

 

 

I'm OPR for a bout in the Valley tonight.  I'm kind of nervous about making the drive alone anyway and it just started snowing and I haven't changed my tires yet, so I'm going to carpool with Timelord and his wife.  Wish me luck!

 

I'm getting really bad at keeping this 'journal up to date, aren't I?

 

Kornopolous was supposed to be in town for a wedding last night, but he broke his foot and decided to take the night and rest so the Earth was our mollusc with a plethora of options.

 

On Frozen Ground opened last night.  That's the feature film about Alaska's serial killer Butcher Baker, that was filmed entirely up here.  For some reason, in spite of it staring Nicolas Cage and John Cusack, it got an extremely limited release and isn't even showing in Anchorage.  There wasn't even a cast and crew preview screening,  so Ron organized a little thing at the only theatre in the State showing it...but it was out in the Valley and it's been a long, drama-filled week so we weren't up for the drive.

 

So was moved to option two:  O.M.Ref.G. was having a birthday gathering, but it was at a karaoke bar....in the Valley.

 

On to option three:  Rodney and Hilary called to see if we wanted to spend the night at her cabin and then go to the fair early but those were both (all together now) In the Valley!

 

We got thai food and watched On Frozen Ground on pay-per-view. 

 

I don't know who pissed in what executives' Corn Flakes for the film to get that kind of treatment because it was not all that bad!  There was some cringe-worthy dialogue but it really looked great.  As LonelyDumptruck put it, they did a wonderful job showing an Anchorage that isn't here anymore and I thought Cusack was just wonderful.  Plus it's always fun to play the "Hey!  I know that guy!" drinking game.

 

And what are we doing today?  Driving to the Valley to go to the fair.

Okay.

 

So.

 

Derby wives.

 

It's kind of a thing, best explained in this essay:

 

The Origins of the Derby Wife by Kasey Bomber, L.A. Derby Dolls

 

The tradition started in November 2003, when a load of Derby Dolls went to see the first AZRD bout and the Derby wife concept was born. Now, see, we Derby Dolls (and I imagine/KNOW a whole lot of the rest of you out there) really like to drink. Some of us have been a little further in the barrel than others, and some of us have done so on a 6 hour van trip to Phoenix. Well, my dear friend Evil E and I initiated both the world’s most ill-advised drinking contest and what was very likely the first verified pairing of Derby “wives” called as such on that very trip. Yes, yes, a fifth of Jim Beam a piece is likely to not only be accompanied by many “I LOVE YOU, MAN!”s, and all kinds of wall-eyed hooey, but before those bottles got too empty we realized something. A Derby wife is quite simply this -

 

1. She is the one person in this whole sport of roller Derby that the very instant you looked at her, you felt like you’d known her since you were a fetus. She looked just like your best friend from fifth grade, or something she did reminded you of all the things you ever liked in anyone else.

 

2. She is the first person you’d call if you ever need to get bailed out of jail. (Or in my case, ever need to have an entire legal crusade started in your name.)

 

3. She’s the one who will be holding back your hair when you puke after drinking too much, and she won’t let anyone take your picture while doing it.

 

4. She’ll ride in the ambulance with you when you lose a tooth, break your wrist, or tear your ACL. She’ll make you laugh the whole way to the hospital, try to steal your pain medication (lovingly), and sneak your favorite food and a beer into recovery.

 

5. She’ll make her actual husband understand that if he loves her, he’s gonna have to put up with you, too, no matter how many times you come over forcing him to revisit all the derby-related shows on his Tivo that you missed.

 

6. She may not even be your best friend in the league or the sport, but she’d be the one you know will be the first one to back you up, even if you’re dead wrong. She’ll just tell you you’ve lost your fucking mind later in private, possibly kick your ass a little bit, and then be the only one who could ever talk your hotheaded ass into some reason.

 

If you can find more than one Derby wife who can meet those needs, then you are lucky indeed, but myself? I’m a one Derby wife gal. Kasey Bomber, LADD Mrs. Evil E

 

Today, I got this text:

 

Do you like attending public events & being super 'out' about derby wifery? I am looking for derby wife!!! Someone proposed to me last week, but she wants it to be secret:( I'd way more marry you, Buster!!!!

 

I've got a derby fiancé!

Friday night's Viva BBQ was all kinds of awesome.  Great friends and even better food.  Our new neighbors had an epic housewarming party at the same time.  They had a huge turnout and even had a bartender with a frozen margarita machine.  At one point we left our guests instructions not to burn the place down and we dashed over to meet them.  They're house has a crazy layout, even for Spenard, and they just bought a puppy.  Really nice folks.

 

Saturday morning LonelyDumptruck went into work early, and I slept in, then raced downtown to help lay out the track for the Solstice Scrimmage in Town Square!  I got to skate in three of the four "halfs" and was the penalty timer for the jammers the other one.  I had a blast, but it really showed that I still don't know anything!

 

The track was set up so there wasn't room for outside pack refs, and we had five people on the inside: two jam refs, a front pack ref, a back pack ref and the head ref who just floated and helped keep an eye out.  Wookie was head ref when I was front pack ref and she kept calling out of play when a blocker got way far ahead of the pack.  After a few, Bro just yelled to me "If she's calling out of play, it means you're missing something!! "  Wookie pointed out it meant I'm still learning and he immediately apologized by telling me "Okay, that was douche-y."  I made a point of asking what I was missing afterwards and he said "Not much, really."  I also checked with Wookie, because I was being sure to watch that blocker to make sure they were not blocking out of play, and she just reminded me I was supposed to warn them they were out of play too.  Now I know.

 

While we were laying out the track, I heard the velcro on my brace shift around, didn't really think anything of it...until 0014 pointed out I'd ripped my shorts from waist to cuff straight down my left butt cheek.  Thank Zod I WAS wearing my brace so I you could see were the white comfort shorts!  0014 teased me relentlessly about how "You burlesque girls, always have to put on a show!"  and that I should write on my shorts "To see more go to http://www.vivavoomburlesque.com

 

LonelyDumptruck and Dave rode their bikes down to watch the scrimmage and I beat feet with them after to get a drink at Darwin's.  They closed off most of downtown for the Solstice Celebration, it seemed like.  The street in front of Darwin's was closed for a stage with live jazz and outdoor seating, so we got to enjoy our beers outside.  After we said good night to Dave, we headed home for a quick dinner and then went to see Primus at Mooses Tooth.

 

It was a great show but way too crowded. It really felt like they had oversold the venue, especially compared to seeing Cake there.  We passed on the after party at Maus's place in favor of Taco Bell and television, I was just wiped out.

 

This morning we got up early and went to the first showing of World War Z.  I really enjoyed it, but I only read the book once and I didn't remember any of the specifics. LonelyDumptruck re-read it recently but he liked it.  We made breakfast and lounged around watching cooking shows on PBS until it was time for me to go to work.  Good days.

In points, because Lazy Ghost_Light is Lazy, since the last time I bothered writing:

 

I survived my first shoot!  Filming the teaser for the T.V. pilot went very well overall!  There was still confusion with paperwork, but day-off I transitioned into being First Assistant Director and that was awesome!  I got to be the one in charge of the little clapboard and yell "Scene 1, take 8!"

 

The shoot ran late, so I didn't go to the roller derby test-up.  To be totally honest, I was pretty set on blowing it off anyway.

 

My neck just kept getting worse. Luckily Dr. Buddy was back in town and able to fit me in twice.  The first appointment he was outright appalled at how bad my neck was.  Everything was pulled to the right and he was really worried I'd ruptured one of my herniated discs.  Not the case, thank Zod, and it's been MUCH better since.

 

With my neck torqued, I blew off open skates and, like the rest of the league, the special outdoor training Shocker set up for us.  I also decided not to go to the first ever State Tournament in Fairbanks even though I would have gotten a ton of solid reffing experience because they were seriously under-rostered, but I decided that mostly because it was in Fairbanks.

 

That's pretty much the old news.  New news to come!